It was a fog-thick night in Woodside, the kind where the Teslas move silently through the mist like silver fish returning to spawn. Mr. X had convened the usual dinner: founders, investors, and one philosopher from Stanford who claimed to be “embedded in OpenAI ethics research,” though no one was sure if that meant employed or merely haunting Slack channels.
We gathered around a reclaimed redwood table that probably required its own carbon offset. On the menu: farm-to-lab proteins and a side of self-importance. The conversation opened, as it often does these days, with someone saying, “The real problem is alignment.”
“I just don’t know if it’s moral to pause AI,” said Clara, a partner at a new fund called Infinite Dawn Ventures. “Every time we slow progress, China accelerates.”
“You’re thinking too small,” said Jonah, who’d recently rebranded himself from “angel investor” to “existential capitalist.” “Our firm only backs companies with existential upside. If your company doesn’t threaten the species, it’s not scalable.”
The philosopher smiled the way professors do before ending someone’s career with a question. “But doesn’t that make you the problem? Funding apocalypse as a service?”
Jonah laughed. “Ethics is just compliance for people without vision.”
Across the table, someone was explaining that the “AGI Pause” movement was just another fundraising strategy. “Virtue signaling with a deck,” Mr. X muttered. “They talk about saving humanity while chasing Series B valuations. It’s like Burning Man with term sheets.”
The philosopher, now swirling his biodynamic wine, offered a toast: “To progress—the religion we still pretend to believe in.”
No one disagreed, but no one drank either. The table buzzed with the low hum of cognitive dissonance. Phones lit up with new emails, new models, new funds promising safety through acceleration.
As we left, Clara looked out at the redwood trees glowing faintly under the electric moonlight. “Progress used to mean better,” she said softly. “Now it just means faster.”
Mr. X, already unlocking his car, didn’t look back. “Same thing in this valley.”
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